...we came in? // "Main Title 4th Season" Christopher Franke, _Babylon 5_ // VRDET- The Marraketh Connection "Fear and Loathing in Marraketh, Act Two: "or "A Lyran in King Harldcast's Court" by Sean M. Breen "You see Pinky, Snowball is being held captive by stupid people." --The Brain "Personally, all I can hope to get out of these shenanigans is excellent wine, and great sex." --Cluracan of Faerie "I should be so lucky." --Malalcypse the Seeker, in conversation, 1998 MALACLYPSE: Well, this was an interesting predicament. To recap for the folks who came in late: Katze Brenner, fellow Jihaddi and co-leader of the mob we naively call the Verthandic Rangers, had been kidnapped from Earth not ten hours before and was being held in a dungeon by the Forces O' Evil. The Rangers, being the crack and alert gang of screwballs that they are, mobilized immediately and were on their way, although some minor defects (*cough*) in the transit system left them separated on opposite sides of the country from where they needed to be. Which left me as the sole Jihaddi in the Kingdom of Marraketh able to do anything about the situation, the others wrapped up in troubles of their own. So, the question was, why was I standing before the gates of the king's castle, dressed in full Lyran regalia, and demanding to be let in, with not so much as a how-do-you-do? There's a long story to go long with the answer, but the short form of it is this: I needed a disguise that would sucker the guards and maybe the head honcho into letting me in, so I could cause as much damage as possible before the cavalry showed up. And since everybody in the enemy army has at least heard of Lyrans, I figured, what the hell? It couldn't possibly hurt to try. To make a long story much shorter, I put on my imitation Lyran mask and robes (which, to be honest, would fool an actual Lyran... if we met in a dark alley... and there was a heavy fog... and the Lyran was blind. But I digress), sidled up to the gates, and used every last trick up my sleeve to intimidate the guards. "I am Kal'El," I intoned with my best James-Earl-Jones-as-Darth-Vader voice, "of the Seventh Circle of Lyra. I have business with your master. Take me to him." The reaction couldn't have been better. The one on the left went whiter than most sheets, and I swore he was about to pass out right then and there. The other one had much better control, but I could tell that he was also scared out of his wits. I let them stare and tremble at me for a few minutes, then I rumbled. "Well?" That got them moving. They both jumped up like I had swatted them in the rear with a cattle prod, and rapidly opened the gate. Or at least tried to. They were falling over each other trying to get the gate open, and if I had the time, I'd have gotten a few minutes of the whole scene on tape for later viewing with some popcorn. Finally, they managed to get the door open, and I swept through, leaving them to safely collapse in my wake. Since this was a castle, I knew pretty much already where to go. All castles have the same basic layout: a big gate at the front, with an inner courtyard and a second gate, with the throne room leading off directly off from there. As I swept through the courtyard, I noticed that the place was almost empty, aside from a few minor servants keeping the place from crumbling into rubble. I also noticed that the inner door to the sanctum sanctorum was unguarded. Sloppy, sloppy. Never should leave a door unguarded like that, especially with so many enemies around. I smirked beneath the mask. Getting in was going to be much easier than I thought. I pushed through the inner door and quickly located the entrance to the throne room. It wasn't hard, since the near total silence of the rest of the castle let the sound of heated arguing carry. I glided through the door, and finally saw my quarry. Sid Harldcast, I must admit, wasn't quite what I expected. While I knew that most Wyrm Minions weren't terribly powerful or impressive, I had figured that Harldcast was something else, what with his conquest of a nation of powerful mages. So it was quite a surprise to find a thoroughly average man sitting on the throne, surrounded by the usual flunkies, lackeys, and thugs. And when I say "average," I mean that in the extreme. Sid was so totally *average* that he wouldn't stand out in a crowd. If it wasn't for the robes of state draped on him, I would have figured him for a flunky, or maybe the guy who emptied the chamber pots. As such, I recognized that his averageness was what made him so dangerous; nobody would blame *him* for anything. I stopped a few feet from the throne and waited patiently. Soon enough, the conversation died down, and the assembled court of "King" Harldcast just stood there, staring stupidly at my costume. I fought down a grin and announced in my Darth Vader tones, "I am Kal'El, of Lyra. I am here to interrogate your prisoner." Sid reacted first, good and easily tweaked lad that he was. "You're what!?" roared the mouse. "Must I explain myself twice? I am here to interrogate your prisoner, the Jihaddi you took from Earth." I figured that getting down to brass tacks was the best way to deal with these people. "You will do *no* such thing, damn you! She is for the Master to deal with, not you, whoever you are!" I shrugged slightly. "Perhaps. Nevertheless, I *will* interrogate her." "Like hell you will. Guards! Remove this... _thing_ from my sight." Two guards, obviously chosen for their abilities in higher math, drew their swords and began to advance on me. I sweated for a brief second, wondering if I'd chosen the right path. Well, what's done is done, I thought, and got down to business. I raised my hand and concentrated for a quick second. I tossed my hand with as much contempt as I could muster, and as I finished the gesture, a wall of energy lashed out, catching both men in the chest, tossing them against the wall like cheap toys. They slid down the walls, moaning in pain. The effect of my little show of power was quite impressive. Sid's face went from purple to white, and then turned a sort of brick red. I admired the color show as Sid half-rose from the divan, looking for something to cause my grevious bodily harm with. "In the name of the Master, I will..." He rumbled in what was supposed to be a threatening manner. Big mistake. I threw my illusion skills into full gear as he got up. While I couldn't actually *see* what I was doing, I could picture it in my mind: A huge, amorphous shape filling the room, underscored by lightning effects inside the robe and a beautifully malevolent blue light coming from the mask. I know, most people use red light for the malevolent effect, but I prefer blue and honestly, the "red light = evil" thing has been done to reincarnation. But I digress. I rumbled in my best "Evil" voice, something like a 200dB whisper. "YOU WILL DO NOTHING! I AM KAL'EL, OF THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF LYRA, STUDENT OF THE HIGH MAGE HIMSELF! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY, OR YOUR STILL-LIVING HEAD WILL ADORN MY MANTEL! **DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?**" The reaction was better than I ever expected. Sid's rage evaporated in a millisecond, quickly replaced by shock, and finally, pure terror. I could almost *feel* his lifespan evaporating from sheer panic. Not healthy. He'd drop dead of stroke in a couple of years if he kept that up. Ah, well. Sid dropped to his knees, in what I assumed was a supplicating posture. "Oh, great and mighty Kal'El," he groveled, "please forgive my indiscretion. I was unaware of your powers, do not strike me down for my mistakes! Please, great one!" I thought it over. "Your transgression is forgiven, Sid Harldcast. It is understandable, considering the import of your prisoner. Our masters do not work at cross purposes. Now, if you would allow me to continue my work..." "Of course! I shall have her brought from the dungeon at once! Will one of the smaller rooms in the castle be sufficient--?" "It will. But have your men be quick about it. I dislike being... displeased... twice in one day." *** Sid scowled as the Lyran left the throne room. "That bastard made a fool of me," he muttered. "I won't let that go unchallenged. We may be working together, but it's not *my* fault if Lord Kal'El has an... accident... while in our house, now is it?" *** MALACLYPSE: Whatever else the castle staff might be, they were certainly quick. It took less than ten minutes for a few panicked courtiers to guide me to a small room. The room was typical; bare stone walls, no windows, rough wooden table and a few "chairs," lit by a single torch. You know, the traditional Dark Ages Traditional VIP Prison Cell. In any case, my escort assured me it would be only a matter of minutes before I would get to see Katze. Then he shut the door and left me alone. Much to his relief, I imagined. With nobody watching, I pulled off the Lyran mask and rubbed my face. It had been a really long day, and prospects weren't looking good. They weren't looking too bad, but they certainly weren't looking good. "Okay, here's the situation," I mumbled to myself. "Sid's ambitious and arrogant, which spells bad mojo for me. Thankfully, he's also dumber than a sack of hammers, which is a positive factor. Now, if this is going to work, I've got to keep him worrying more about me than anything else, especially the rescue party. So, I'll have to out-arrogant Sid, keep him on his toes, and smack a few people around as needed." I frowned. "Have to stop talking to myself, too." My mutterings were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. It was Katze, coming in for her "interrogation." I scrambled to put the mask back on, and *just* managed to assume a proper sitting position and the proper air of cool contempt for all life that befits a Lyran. Since I was raised to be a gentleman, I stood and casually motioned for Kat to sit down. And sit she did, moving as if she was underwater. As I sat down, I took a few moments to take a look at Katze. She was sitting at the far end of the table, pale and trembling, eyes closed tight. The poor kid looked like she'd been through hell and back. Of course, being this close to what you've been told is one of the incarnations of pure evil in the world can do that to a person. I shook myself subtly and decided to break the ice. I ransacked my mind for the proper introductory quote. "So, Katze Brenner, we meet at last, for the first time, for the last time." I thought about that for a second. Was that right? "Yeah, that's right," I whispered, not really paying attention to my surroundings. That got Kat's attention. She opened her eyes, and said, with unabashed curiosity, "Huh?" I smirked, not that anyone could see it. "Your captors are brave and resourceful servants of their Master. However--" I pulled off the mask, and continued in a less intimidating voice "--they are a *bit* gullible." Dead silence. I sat there, idly spinning the mask on the table's surface, while Kat got her wits together. "Mal?" "Well, you were expecting Bugs Bunny maybe?" Kat repressed a snicker. "Heh. Well, it is good to see you, I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever show up." I smirked and waved my hand casually. "Well, the crosstown traffic is *murder* this time of day." Kat apparently decided to stop repressing the snicker and let loose with a small giggle fit. It didn't last, though. She straightened up and asked the $64,000 question, "Where's everybody else?" I sighed inwardly, cursing all buggy hardware in existence. "Ari has a rescue party in the timeline, I don't know... exactly..." twitching slightly as I said it "...where they are, but they're on their way, should be here in a few days." "Well, that's good, seeing that you and me couldn't take Sid on our own. Especially considering you'd have to do all the fighting." I nodded, mentally kicking myself in the head. I just *had* to go and forget that one little problem, didn't I? "There is that, isn't there?" I stretched out the time, groping for an alternative plan that didn't require playing Indiana Jones. "You wouldn't have happened to find any secret ways out of here, have you?" I asked out of sheer blind hope. "Not yet. 'Course I've only been to the throne room and my cell and here." Well, this is *another* fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley! Kat pointed at the slim book sitting on the table next to my mask. "I did find that book, though." "Hmm, that's not going to be too much help." I was starting to get a little anxious. I had been counting on Katze being able to help in her rescue, at least until we could hide out with the Resistance for a few days until the rest of the gang showed up. Now, I was going to have to come up with something on the fly. Just perfect. Kat shrugged. "Ya never know. Guess you get to deal with Sid for a while." I sighed mentally. I couldn't keep Sid permanently cowed, and it looked like that was what I was going to have to do. Dammit. Still, I didn't let Kat know about that problem. "That little whipped-puppy?" I said with more bravado that I was feeling at the moment, "I can keep him happy for a while. Or he'll try to have me killed. Either way, he's taken care of." "Can you get word to Ari that you're here...hell, that I'm here?" "Nope. Tried already, and my 'Linker doesn't have the range without a satellite network. I wouldn't worry, though. Ari's pretty bright, I'm sure she knows which direction to head." "I hope so. It'd be fun to try to do a two man fight our way out of here MacGuyver style sorta thing, but it'd also be suicide." More than you'd suppose, I added silently. "So...you think you could get me more comfortable arrangements than a cell in the dungeon?" I shook my head. "Not without tipping my hand. If I start treating a prisoner with respect, Sid will get suspicious, and if he gets suspicious...bad things might happen." Kat nodded again. "Darn. It was worth a shot. Anyway, what's the plan when Ari and company get here? And what if Sid decides he wants me on his side before they get here?" "The plan?" Plan? That's a good question, Shinji-kun. What the hell was I going to do? Can't fight it out, so the only alternative was... "The plan is to hang tight until you hear the theme music. Then get the hell out any way you can." Kat grimaced. Obviously, she knew the score. "Oh boy, this is harder than I imagined. Considering..." She frowned, lost in thought, then shook her head, as if to clear it. "Oh, you wouldn't want to know." This was not the time to be concealing information. "Try me. If it's going to keep you from acting in the clinch, I *need* to know *now*" Kat looked down at the table. "Well, I've already been drug in front of Siddy boy, told him I would not help him out...but...but realized just how easily they got my father...he was there in the corner." She held her head in her hands. Great, an angst trip. Just what we needed. "Just...hang in there," I said, trying to change the subject, and failing miserably. "Don't let those half-wits get to you." I handed her a small cube I'd been hiding in my cloak. "Here, you'll need one of these." Kat eyed the cube. "What's this do?" I grinned. "Molecular Music Module. Plays a couple of hundred hours of good music without repeat. Really useful in POW situations." Not to mention it could turn any object into a speaker system. I had already sneaked a slave unit into a crack in the wall, thereby turning the entire castle into a gigantic woofer/tweeter setup. Why? Well, you never *know* when you'll need something like that... Kat examined the M^3, then placed it on top of her book. "This could be useful. Well, how long can our conference go before Siddy boy starts to get suspicious?" "Oh, just about as long as need be. I told 'em that I need to do a 'lengthy interrogation' of the prisoner." "I wonder why now? Why did they choose this moment in time to yank me off here? And what does Sid plan to do?" I shrugged. "I have no idea, and honestly I don't really *care* right now. Right now, we need to worry about getting the hell *out* of here." "Alright, alright. Oy, I hope Ari and company shows up soon." "They'll get here soon enough." "Easy enough for you to say, you're not the one sleeping on the stones." "Yeah, but you don't have to dance around the entire damned Marraketh Army all day long." "Heh, I could say something about you being the perfect Lyran...but I'm trying to keep you on my side." I did a quick pose. "The costume *is* striking, isn't it? It works pretty well, aside from being gray." "You had me going for a while if you didn't notice. Anyway, anything else we need to cover?" "Don't think so...oh, if you don't mind terribly, would you act like your soul has been crushed when you leave? Have to keep up appearances, dontchaknow." "Alrighty-o, not a problem. Have fun with Siddy boy, see if you can break him for me." "Would you like small or large fragments?" I winked at Katze, then sighed. Time to get back to work. "In any case, here we go." I replaced the mask and resumed my Kal'El persona. I rose from my seat, moved swiftly to the door, and hammered on it, once. The guard outside opened the door a crack and peered in. "Yes, sir?" he asked in a tremulous voice. I boomed in my proper Darth Vader voice, "Remove the prisoner, and arrange a meeting with Harldcast instantly!" Guard-boy nodded at my request, too petrified to move. I looked back at him, letting a twinge of annoyance slip into my body language. "What are you waiting for?" I demanded. "I said instantly!" This finally got Marraketh's Finest out of his trance, as he gulped, grabbed Kat by the arm, and pulled her out the door, ordering her as he went. When they were out of sight, I relaxed slightly, and slowly made my way back to the throne room. I sure as hell wasn't getting paid enough for this shit. *** "Is the... accident ready for our guest?" "Yes, sire. All has been prepared as per your instructions." "This is a mistake, Sid." "Quiet, Ryan. When I want your opinion, I will give it to you. This Lyran interloper can not be allowed to interfere with our work." "Sure, whatever you say. Just remember that if this doesn't work, he'll know exactly who to blame." *** MALACLYPSE: When I reentered the throne room, I noticed that most of the courtiers and hangers-on had vanished. I assumed that they were either too scared of me to stick around, or that Sid had dismissed them. It was just as well, since I didn't feel like a second round of theatrics anyway. Sid, it seemed, had fully recovered from his terror, and was lounging on his throne, superior smirk on his face, completely in control. "So, Lord Kal'El," he smarmed, "how went your interrogation of the prisoner? It was not too... difficult, I suspect?" Bastard. I countered his smirk with a cool glare. "It was informative, to say the least. I expect that you will have your hands full with this one, Harldcast." Sid smiled. "Ah, my dear comrade in the cause, I wouldn't have it any other way! The scion of the Katze family is powerful, and once I - *we* - have broken her, armies shall fall before us. First the cowards in Chi-Lin, then perhaps Earth! I shall enjoy turning her to serve our lords." He settled back in the throne. Double bastard. "That's as may be, Harldcast, but turning the Jihaddi will not happen for some time." Say, after Hell freezes over. "In any case, it is late, and I wish to meditate." "Of course, dear comrade. We have prepared a suite of rooms for you; the finest outside of my own. The guards shall show you there. I wish you a pleasant sleep, Lord Kal'El." "Of *course* you do, Harldcast. We shall speak again in the morning." I glanced backwards as I was escorted out of the room. For a second, just a second, I could've sworn that I saw Sid smirk. It could have been a trick of the light, but somehow... somehow that seemed unlikely. I figured I'd find out what Siddy boy was up to once I got to my suite. The guards seemed unusually nervous as we approached the suite. It was painfully obvious that they weren't so much scared of *me* as they were scared of what was inside the suite. Not that there was anything really all that dangerous in the suite, of course. When I opened the door, the small powderkeg threw me for a minute, but I was expecting something like this. "Oh dear," I said, bored with the situation, "some forgetful person has left a keg of gunpowder in my room. With the fuse lit, no less." I grabbed the keg and tossed it to the nearest guard. The look on his face was priceless. "Here, be a good lad and get rid of this, would you?" I then slammed the heavy wood door as quickly as I could in the poor schmuck's face. Waiting for a few seconds, I could hear the guards frantic scrabbling as they tried to get rid of the keg, then the muffled bang when the keg went off. Sometimes I really love my work. *** To say that Sid Harldcast wasn't happy would be an extreme understatement. "What the hell do you mean, the trap didn't work?!" "Just that, sire," replied the terrified servant, "he didn't even blink when he saw the keg. He... he just handed it to us and closed the door! We nearly didn't get it outside in time!" "Hmm... this Lyran won't be easy to kill." Sid mused the possibilities over in his head, trying to come up with a good way to remove this new obstacle to his plans. "Sire, shall we try again?" "Hm? No, not again. He is certainly on guard for such attacks, and we would be very foolish to try it again. As for you, go and get the palace guard ready. When things come to a head, I would like to be able to have an edge on our Lyran friend. "As you will, sire." The servant scurried out of the throne room, leaving Sid alone with his thoughts. *** //"All Along the Watchtower" Jimi Hendrix// MALACLYPSE: The next day passed more or less uneventfully. Once I had scouted out all the traps left in my accommodations -- I must admit that the spearheads hidden in the featherbed was an artistic touch -- I spent the night wandering the castle in Don't Look At Me mode, searching for good weak points in the walls and possible escape routes. Naturally, there were several good spots for a breakthrough along the outer and inner walls. I also managed to find an old "priest's hole" that would serve well as an escape hatch. As I was returning from this little jaunt, I happened across a member of the Resistance. I recognized him from my earlier encounter with Remmick's group in the tavern in Rhye. As I approached, he gave me a salute, at least that's what I thought it was -- he could've been flipping me off for all I knew about Marrakethian body language. "Sir Lyran, what brings you out along the wall this night?" I said offhandedly, "I needed a place to meditate and speak to my master in private. This seemed like a proper place." I lowered my voice and continued, "Also to find the weak spot in the wall, suitable for an army to break through." The watchman blinked. "Did I hear you right?" "Possibly," I replied, "if you were with Remmick at the Grey Horse the night I told you about the Jihad." "Y-you? That was--" "Shh! Don't raise your voice, or others might be suspicious. Now, make sure Remmick knows that the southeast corner of the castle is where I intend to breach the walls. It's the oldest part of the castle, and the least kept up. As soon as things start exploding, have Remmick get his people to that corner, and I'll take it from there." The watcher blinked, then nodded. "I understand. I'll make sure Remmick knows." "Good man. Now I had better get off this wall." With that I walked away and back to my room. When dawn broke, I had managed to connect a spare power source and signal booster to my Jihadlinker. The poor Linker had been subjected to my tinkering many times in the past, but this was the first time I had to use the thing outside the J-link network. Needless to say, it was not happy about it. Still, I needed to find out if I could contact the rest of the Rangers, and boosting the signal was the only thing I could do with the gear I had. Once I had the Linker ready to go, I donned my Lyran costume again and proceeded to spend the day at court. The political maneuverings between Sid, his son, the various spoungin, and myself were all very boring, and not recall worth remembering for print. Sid and I did our little episode of verbal posturing, implied threats, and other foibles of that nature. I decided that if I had to choose between the Marraketh court and any Adam Sandler movie, I'd choose honorable suicide. Finally, the day ended, and I returned to my re-boobytrapped room. After removing all the new booby traps, I waited until everybody except a few watchmen would be asleep, and crept silently up from my room to the highest tower I could find. Fortunately, the castle's main tower was sufficiently tall, and I made it there with no problems. Once on top of the highest point in Rhye, I pulled out my jerry-rigged Jihadlinker. Hoping that the thing would have enough range, I composed a quick text message, pointed it in the general direction of Chi-Lin, and hit the SEND button. *** FROM:
TO: nexxus@jlink.vrdet.net SITUATION IN RHYE DETERIORATING RAPIDLY. HOLDING THINGS TOGETHER BEST AS I CAN. GET YOUR ASS HERE *ASAP*. THAT MEANS **NOW** --M *** I kept sending for several minutes, on the assumption that if one message didn't get through, a few dozen might be able to. Much to my surprise, I actually got a MESSAGE RECEIVED signal. Apparently the modifications had worked after all. I was figuring that it was probably some sort of system artifact, but still... it was a good sign. I hoped. I spent several hours up on top of that tower, sending the message again in a number of different directions and getting no replies. I was beginning to get cold, and irritated. Here I was, several degrees of angle of reality away from home, effectively stranded in this Godforsaken pre-industrial country, surrounded by annoying enemies, and the only people who could manage to be of any help were either stuck in a dungeon or *lost.* My brief indulgence with self-pity was cut off when I was nearly bowled over by a strong gust of wind that came out of nowhere. As I staggered and tried to regain my equilibrium, I could just barely see the outline of this huge black dragon swooping down out and vanishing behind some trees on the edge of the city. I let out a short (and quiet) whoop. "Yahoo! The seventh calvary has arrived! Now we can get down to business!" That being over and done with, I quickly made my way down the tower to my rooms, to await the morning's mayhem. TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE BATTLE GRANDE ROYALE, BY SOME OTHER PEOPLE MAL'S STORY TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE EPILOGUE. Isn't this where... //"After, in the dark" Kanno Yoko, _Macross Plus_ soundtrack//