THE DRUG PROBLEM: AN INNOVATIVE SOLUTION
REVEREND SEAN M. BREEN
10-18-1998

Drugs.

According to all the Official Experts™, it's the number-one 
problem the youth of America face today.  And not just young Americans, 
many older ones as well.

In each of our major cities, and even pissant redneck mountain 
towns like Alamosa, there are thousands of people who desperately 
need dope.  For all practical purposes, these people simply cannot live 
unless they get "high" on a regular basis.

There may be as many as 125 million people, in this nation 
alone, who are addicted to Valium, marijuana, Miltown, uppers, downers, 
acid, cigarettes, booze, peyote, asprin, DMT, cocaine, crack, heroin and 
Coca-Cola.

Their lives are spent in utter misery, working odd jobs, 
sometimes even committing crimes, in order to scrape up just enough 
money to pay for that next "fix." 
 
Our government persecutes these poor creatures, forcing them 
to hide from the rest of the world, from those caring individuals who 
might be able to help in their desperate time of need.  When they are 
found, they aren't helped, they're thrown into prison, where they rot for 
months, sometimes years, for a crime that doesn’t hurt anybody but 
themselves.

Shunned by "proper" society, hunted by the police, these sad 
people eventually end up dying in a gutter, surrounded by withdrawl 
hallucinations, and an uncaring public stepping over them.

This is an intolerable situation!  Something must be done about 
this immediately!

Obviously, the current solutions aren't working.  Therefore, I 
have come up with a new approach to the problem.

All you citizens out there, those of you who are just as concerned 
about the drug problem as I am, I ask for your support.  I ask you to 
donate all of your surplus dope to the common good.  Take your spare 
joints and cigars, and deposit them in a big pile at the center of town.  
From this huge pile, those of us who cannot afford to buy dope on a 
regular basis can take what is necessary to keep themselves functioning.

I know that I would benefit from this service.  It is hard, after all, 
to maintain a proper supply of hash and LSD on a college student's 
budget.  If I could pick up a roach now and then from the public fund, it 
would make my life a great deal easier.

So, come on, you public-spirited citizens!  Bring out your spare 
drugs!  Help keep the diminishing supply of hippies alive!  I'm counting 
on you.

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